Was there any doubt?

To no one's surprise, Derek Jeter was named SI Sportsman of the Year for finally leading the Yankees back to greatness and helping them earn their 27th World Series Championship. But in my book he should get the award just for landing Lyla Garrity (aka Minka Kelly) from the critically acclaimed tv show Friday Night Lights

Frustrated.

Because we're not supposed to criticize college basketball players -- since they're young and not getting paid and are representing my alma mater, and all -- I have instead decided to say this about Maurice Acker and David Cubillan. It's the same thing your buddy might tell you if he's trying to set you up with a big girl:

Mo Acker and David Cubillan are very nice people. In fact, after the night they collectively had yesterday (53 minutes, 4 points, 0-6 on threes, 3 assists, 2 rebounds -- COMBINED), I think it's safe to say they're two of the nicest people who have ever played at Marquette. Sure, we got spoiled with four years of Dom James, but, still, you'd think that two very, very nice young men could muster a handful of points and assists in a game. Instead, they were invisible. And nice. Very, very, maddeningly nice.

Ok, I'm done with the NBA again.

After a long week of hunting and stuffing my face, I was ready for a full day of doing nothing but sitting on the couch watching sports. And since every day of sports is better when you have an increased rooting interest, I decided to stop by Centsports to place a few wagers on yesterday's events.

Now, I've had a rough run of luck lately (lost six straight parlays), so I was back down to a dime in my account. In an effort to climb out of that hole, I bet said dime on this four way parlay:

CBB: Marquette (+5) over Michigan
CFB: Illinois (+21) over Cincinnati
CFB: Over 40 combined for Colorado-Nebraska
NBA: Bucks (+5) over Oklahoma City

As I'm sure most of you know, Marquette cruised to a victory over Michigan. One down.

And Illinois? They were out of it for most of the game, but Cincinnati's defense kept them just close enough to only lose by 13. Two down.

I'm not going to lie - even with money riding on it, I couldn't pretend to give a shit about Colorado-Nebraska. But, I checked back sometime in the middle of the second half and it was already 28-14. Three down.

Then there was the turd in the punch bowl. It's been a long time since I've cared about the NBA, and I probably shouldn't have allowed myself to get suckered in. With that said, this Bucks team kind of looks like fun, from a distance. I'll admit, I watched Brandon Jennings score 55 against the Warriors and it was a good time. So, certainly they could keep it within 5 against a low-level Western Conference team, right?

Wrong. Last night's game reminded me of everything I hate about watching NBA basketball. The me-first-and-nothing-else-second mentality. Terrible shot decisions. Sloppy play. Players giving up on plays five seconds into the shot clock. All the fundamental skills of a bad high school girls team, demonstrated by players who are supposed to be professionals.

And where the hell was Brandon Jennings? The player I tuned in to watch, Milwaukee's supposed franchise savior, sat out a large chunk of the first quarter and nearly all of the third. While Jennings sat the bench and watched Ersan Ilyasova throw up airballs*, the Thunder went on a 25-4 run and never looked back.

* - Dude, seriously. How many times do you have to miss the same shot? You're on the court with some decent basketball players. Even Michael Redd was less worthless offensively than you last night. Pass the damn ball.

Actually, though, the moment that sticks out in my mind belongs to Hakim Warrick. With the Bucks snowballing downhill in the third quarter, Warrick got an uncontested dunk and hung on the rim for roughly 6 minutes, drawing a T. It's a stupid thing to do, but at least he should learn from it, right? Nope. Next time he scored was another dunk, and he did the same goddamn thing, causing me to yell loud enough to send the dog into hiding. Fortunately, the refs weren't paying attention this time.

It's moments like that that drove me away from the NBA in the first place. And after watching last night's mess, it'll be a while before I give it a chance again.

Rumormongering: 'Why doesn't anyone believe me about this Tiger Woods shit?' edition

Me: 'hey, did you hear that rumor about Tiger Woods?'

9 out of 10 people: 'Oh, that terrible accident?'

Me: 'No! Fucker cheated on his wife! Wonder if that 'accident' had anything to do with the wife finding out.'

9 out of 10 people: 'Tiger wouldn't do that.'


Seriously?!

Wes Matthews, NBA starter?

Apparently I have been in some sort of cave for a couple of weeks. I was trying to watch the WGN news at 9 (that's channel 9 at 9... chicken fuckers) and it was interrupted midway by the start of the Bulls at Jazz game. Starting lineups were introduced and, low and behold, Wes Matthews was announced.

I knew he made the team out of necessity (Utah had a few injuries and decided to go into luxury tax territory to carry him for a few games) and then proved himself well enough for a full-time roster spot with good playing time but I was unaware of this starting business. I Googled it and it appears Wes has been starting for two weeks solid.

While his offensive numbers weren't impressive last night (6 pts in 22 minutes of play) he was all over the place and touched the ball quite a bit. I think the Jazz, as a relatively young team, are a good fit for Wes.

From undrafted to rookie starter, way to go Wes!

Happy Thanksgiving QB

This Thanksgiving, embrace your inner Quevedotarian

Is there an American holiday* more dedicated to gluttony than Thanksgiving? I don't think there is. If ever there was an opportunity to become a Quevedotarian for a day, it's Thanksgiving.

* - Quevedo Day doesn't count. Yes, it's a holiday which originated in America, but it has yet to be accepted by most states.

And how does one become a Quevedotarian, you ask? Are you really that dumb**? One starts by gathering all the food one can find. This is hungry work, so feel free to grab a snack on the way. Then, in a display that would make the producers of Man vs Food shudder, you're going to eat it all. But this is Thanksgiving, so you have to kick it up a notch***, covering all of this food with one of the three major fat groups: gravy, butter, and whipped cream. If you'd like to add a touch of irony, wash it down with a diet soda or twelve.

** - It's a rhetorical question, dumbass.

*** - Bam!

Since you're sitting at home reading a blog at night on a holiday weekend, odds are you're already a prime candidate for Quevedotarianism****. But, on the off chance you're not already an expert glutton, here's a quick Quevedotarian-approved Thanksgiving menu:

**** - Did you see what I did there? I implied you might be fat and lazy*****.

***** - Really, I'm just using the asterisks at this point as a demonstration for Rubie, who could use them in his work, but instead abuses the hell out of parentheses. Seriously. Have you seen him use a set of parentheses inside another set of parentheses******?

****** - Yes, this has actually happened.

• Turduckens are for pansies. A true Quevedotarian opts for the Oinking Turducken - a boneless duck, inside a boneless chicken, inside a turkey, wrapped in bacon. For added calories, serve with mashed potatoes and bacon grease gravy. Skip the cranberry sauce and any vegetables that may have snuck on the table*******.
• At least three side dishes you developed a recipe for after seeing it on ThisIsWhyYoureFat.com. I'll recommend the Smortuary, the Toaster Orgy, and to add some extra bacon, The Irish Hog.
• And finally, finish it off with Pumpkin Pie ala Bazookie. The whole thing. Maybe two.

******* - Seriously, we're working on a masterpiece here, and you were going to screw it up with something healthy? You really are an idiot.

This is actually a light Thanksgiving. You should be done with this by the time the Packers are done finding a way to lose to the Lions tomorrow. Thankfully, most pizza places are still open tomorrow, for when you're hungry again around 4:30. Until then, feel free to munch on some Bold Party Chex Mix********.

******** - Rubie, I still can't believe you called this your favorite junk food. Really? You couldn't do better than that?